Unexpected, Unplanned, & Uncertain—Walking with God Through Change
Change is something I have a long history of avoiding. I like routine, predictability, and processes that I understand. Being able to control my situations and knowing what to expect gives me a sense of peace and empowerment.
What Wasn't Planned
When we moved into our house five years ago, I was pregnant with our second (and planned) daughter, Savannah. I felt like I could handle the adjustment since I had a plan and a to-do list to prove it. Savannah was sweet, and I was adjusting very nicely to having two kids. I was a stay-at-home mom (which was a dream I had while working, and of course, curated over the years with planning and dedication to this end goal).
Everything was going perfectly, just as I had planned. Then, when Savannah was just three months old, I found out I was pregnant with twins.
The realization that we would have four kids under the age of four rocked my world. It unearthed every insecurity and notion of stability that I created. It was, of course, such a blessing. But I felt sad, overwhelmed, and scared. Why did God choose me to be the mom to so many babies? Why this timing?
As I navigated these questions and wrestled with self-doubt, I realized this had always been God’s plan. My plan was futile, and the timing was all wrong. The more I tried to control the situation, the more God pushed and shaped me. He knew all along that my children would be born in quick succession. He knew he could use this experience to teach me patience, kindness, and complete reliance on Him.
Relying on God Through Change
Since “TwinGate 2015,” I have continued to experience many changes. I have been a stay-at-home mom who was frazzled beyond belief, I have been a part-time working mom for a church, and I even started my own business. In the last two years, I have gone back to school and started working full-time with ñ.
Working for ñ has been life-changing for me. I have been able to use my gifts and talents to help shape the Christian landscape on college campuses. I have been a support player on a team that creates beautiful videos, blogs, digital content, and many other pieces that share the gospel in a bold and relevant way.
But now, change is coming again. Over the last year, through a series of events, I felt a calling to shift my focus from helping facilitate processes to helping shape people. I want to walk beside friends as they wrestle with their faith, find who they are in Christ, or move through their vocational journey.
As I embark on a new chapter with ñ in a new position, my uncertainties and feelings of inadequacy will of course come to the surface. In the past, I would rely on a perfectly curated planner to help me navigate these waters, but now I will rely on God to be beside me and navigate this new world. I am asking God to lead the way, and for me to be quiet and listen to his prompts. I am committing to pray through this change and am looking forward to what God has in store for me.
