Life after College

Celebrating the Long Wait

webteam@intervarsity.org — Mon, 17 May 2010 05:00:00 +0000

Abi Christian

Celebrating the Long Wait

For college students, hearing the question, “What’s your major?” is as common as late night cramming and a diet of cheap food. Everyone wants to know. For me, I felt my brief answer revealed some of my strengths, interests, and potential career paths. The answer was a convenient way to let someone know who I was.

After graduation, the question inevitably changes to, “What do you do?” As I spent my first few years trying to navigate new jobs, entry level positions, and unemployment, my answer sounded startlingly bleak. In a time of difficult transition, my identity began to feel hazy.

The Red-Eye-Shift Baker

Two weeks after graduating, I had found a job to pay rent, working early hours in a bakery. But I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do in the long term or where God wanted me to go. I prayed for direction and diligently applied for jobs.

One day during the peak of my job-hunting frustration, I was cleaning an enormous industrial metal bowl used for mixing bread dough. As I tipped it to the side, I lost control and the bowl toppled over on top of my foot.

With the sudden shooting pain, my anger with God shot to the surface. “I’m done!” I exploded. “I want out!” I was tired of waiting on God, not knowing what would come next. American author James Baldwin once wrote, “An identity is questioned only when it is menaced,” and I was wondering if my faith was enough to carry me through.

After two years, I quit my job to focus on finding a better fit. Unfortunately, the economy was having its own troubles and open positions were scarce. I remember avoiding calls from the alumni department at my university, who would ask about my job title, salary, and whether or not I was working in my field of major for their statistical reports. I had been a good student in college, but I felt I was failing Life 101. I let my unemployment begin to define who I was, and I wasn’t happy with the result.

A Firm Foundation

Thankfully, my church began a series of sermons that reminded me of how God sees me. When doubt and fear creep in, my confidence comes from being a child of God, adopted into a heavenly family. No job, circumstance, or relationship can alter the fact that my salvation comes from Jesus’ death on the cross.

If my identity came from the job I held, the threat of change would topple me. If my foundation was in my own skill and talent, I would constantly fear failure. Instead, as a new creation, my identity rests in God, whom the Bible depicts as a mighty fortress, and Jesus as the chief cornerstone.

As Christians, we often learn these truths when we first decide to follow Jesus. But when times of uncertainty threaten to overwhelm us, we’re given the opportunity to act on who we are in Christ. We can even celebrate the long wait for our circumstances to change, knowing God may be trying to show us how he sees us—unblemished and beautiful.

Despite my anger that day in the bakery, I knew that God had been faithful to me in the past, and that he delights to give good things. I was still waiting and unsure of my next step, but my wait was not unprecedented.

The Wait

In the Bible, after promising him descendants like the stars, God made Abraham wait until old-age for a son, and then asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. David was anointed as the next king of Israel, but then returned to care for his sheep, perfecting his sling-shot aim. God had good things lined up, but first he made those he loved go through painfully trying times or small, mundane tasks.

Waiting gave Abraham stronger faith and gave David wisdom to lead his future flock. As I waited for my career change, God began to remind me of the reasons why I wanted Jesus in my life when I was child, why I chose to follow God rather than people in high school, and why I pursued ways to serve God in college. I was re-learning the basics of my relationship with God, my identity as his child growing deeper.

I don’t think I always celebrate my time of waiting very well. I still have moments of anxiety, doubt, and cynicism. But I realize that although my circumstances may move slowly, God is still teaching me to see myself the way he sees me. And that is worth celebrating.

News Keywords

Life after College

transition

��ñ�� alumni-Friendship Covenant

webteam@intervarsity.org — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

News

��ñ�� alumni-Friendship Covenant

Peter Ahlin, Jeff Donnithorne, Dan Elliott and John Inazu were involved with ��ñ�� at Duke University and graduated in 1997. Peter coordinated small groups while in college, went on to be a missionary, and is now an overseas businessman. Jeff was chapter president while at Duke and is now a United States Air Force pilot. Dan was Duke’s large-group coordinator and is now a doctor, and John went on to be a lawyer and is pursuing a Ph.D. after being a worship leader during his student days with ��ñ��.

“In college, Christian fellowship is handed to you on a silver platter; plenty of fun activities, Bible study and prayer, and really cool Christians are just down the hall or a short walk across campus,” reflects Peter Ahlin. “For me, the hardest part of leaving Duke was being geographically separated from my closest Christian friends and having to try to find fellowship that was even remotely as exciting and fulfilling as that which I enjoyed in college.”

Knowing they were facing a huge transition in life that would take them away from their college support network, these four guys were encouraged by their pastor to make a serious commitment to stick together—not just as friends, but as accountability brothers. Under the framework of a covenant, Jeff Donnithorne comments, “we felt like we needed to be in each others’ lives in an intentional way. Good intentions are not always enough and accountability really does require an extra level of commitment.” So these four guys created a written document on the day before graduation that “added a level of importance and seriousness when we put our names on it.”

Dan Elliott not only finds accountability within this covenant relationship, but also meaningful support among friends. “There is a great strength that comes from knowing that I could call in the middle of the night and realistically expect that Jeff, John or Peter would fly to my house in the morning if an emergency demanded.”

In being asked to be a part of this covenant, Peter says, “I was ecstatic. I remember once reading a quote from [the late] Paul Newman, who was asked how—in the midst of Hollywood’s rampant rates of divorce and unfaithfulness—he had managed to make his 1958 marriage to Joanne Woodward last so long. He said, ‘In a world of throw-away love, we decided to make ours last.’ I would argue that the normative biblical pattern [of friendship] is not transient, but rather lasting, relationships. Healthy, giving, lasting relationships are part of normal Christian life.”

And now, twelve years later, these four guys maintain their accountability relationship. Since graduation, Jeff notes that “the covenantal friendship has grown in different ways. At some point early on, we started an email accountability regimen in which we would write to each other on a regular basis, answering a variety of questions. Those questions have changed over the years, as
well as our practice of how often we write.” Their email correspondence, including the questions, continues to be an essential part of their four-way accountability.

In the absence of friends down the hall, this connection to college friendships has been a lifeline for John Inazu. “It gives me a base to go to whenever anything important happens—important life decisions. I was able to get their comfort and guidance leading up to marriage and discernment in marriage; being able to share candidly thoughts about commitment and get real tangible feedback from these guys.” Furthermore, “in dating my now-wife and the boundaries of our physical relationship in accountability to God, the guys, and her, there was a tangible check on keeping the relationship where it needed to be before we got married.”

Peter has similar thoughts about the impact in his own life of pursuing covenant friendships. “It’s very reassuring to know that this safety net of faithful, committed Christian brothers is there for me and for my family. First of all, the challenges of life can frequently bring discouragement; we need committed covenant partners to help us strengthen ourselves in God (1 Samuel 23:16). Secondly, there are so many Christian men who have become casualties to sexual sin as a result of a lack of consistent accountability in their lives; having accountability is one piece of a complete defense against falling into immorality.”

Being intentional in their friendships after college not only keeps these four guys close to each other but also close to God. “It’s a twofold purpose. As both of those are happening they reinforce each other,” says Jeff. Peter agrees, “I thank God for a team of men who are committed to me, as I am to them, for the preservation and prospering of our faith, our fidelity in marriage, and every other aspect of life.”

Relationships like these are atypical. If close friendships are not enough to fill accountability needs, Peter acknowledges that there are alternatives. “The good news is that there are so many vibrant, healthy, local churches in which to find this kind of fellowship; the tough part is that one has to work much harder to build deep relationships with the demands of work and kids (and not living just down the hall in college anymore).”

Prepared by ��ñ��, encouraged by their pastor, and ready to stand for something, Jeff says, “we drafted and signed a covenant which committed us to (among other things) a lifetime of loving each other as brothers, loving each other’s families as our own, praying for one another, being accountable to one another, speaking truth in love to one another and gathering together at least once a year for the rest of our lives.” Last winter at a beach house on the North Carolina coast, Jeff, Dan, John and Peter, with their wives and children, came together again to keep that covenant and encourage each other to stay committed to following Jesus. Or as Dan likes to say, “whether you like it or not you will be discipled in one way or another—either in the ways of God or the ways of the world.”

News Keywords

��ñ�� alumni

Life after College

Alumni Exemplify ��ñ��'s Campus Ministry

webteam@intervarsity.org — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 05:00:00 +0000

News

Alumni Exemplify ��ñ��'s Campus Ministry

Among the mysterious forces on this earth is the migration-like regularity of alumni returning to their alma maters every fall. And judging from the recent announcements in various college and university alumni magazines, this year’s homecomings promise to perpetuate the traditional hoopla.

During homecoming week, there’ll be parades and parties and, of course, the football game, and a lot of palling around with former classmates. There’ll be showing off the photos of the kids, or grandkids, exaggerated stories and confessions, and too much eating and drinking . . . again. And on the trip home, the hearty ones will swear that they had had a good time and say, “Let’s do it again next year.”

But let’s face it. These annual alumni homecomings can be as mysterious as the migration cycles of Canada geese. The reasons why people return to their former colleges or universities probably reside deep within their hearts, where now and then a yearning seems to awaken and arise with a single-minded purpose—to reconnect with something now lost but still remembered. And when that connection is made, well, it’s like receiving an unexpected gift.

Alumni are thankful for campus ministry

For ��ñ�� alumni that gift is deeper than the joy of reconnecting with old friends. “I can’t tell you how often ��ñ�� alumni have told me that our campus ministry has been a gift to their lives,” said Doug Nickelson, ��ñ��’s director of the Alumni department. “The alumni of our campus ministry frequently tell us that they feel appreciation for how ��ñ�� helped their lives mature and helped set a good trajectory for their futures. Years after their graduations, they still come to our reunions and support our ministry financially because they feel gratitude. And we’re grateful, too. Because God is using this ministry to transform people’s lives.”

This past summer about twenty-five ��ñ�� alumni who graduated during the late sixties and early seventies from colleges and universities in North Carolina gathered in Durham for a reunion. Roger Anderson, ��ñ��’s national field director, attended. He said that he was inspired by the stories of appreciation for our campus ministry that he’d heard from these alumni.

“What greatly impressed me,” said Roger, “was the thankfulness these alumni expressed about how ��ñ�� had helped to transform their lives and how our ministry had taught them to integrate their discipleship to Jesus into every part of their lives.”

Teaching students how to integrate their Christian beliefs into their everyday lives is one of our core values. And encouraging our campus witnessing communities to respectfully integrate their Christian values into the life of their college or university is one of our methods of evangelism.

Engaging the campus is a hallmark of our ministry

“We love and respect the campus,” said ��ñ��’s president Alec Hill. “Our ministry’s mission field is the campus. So our students and faculty advisors engage their schools with the gospel to help transform individuals and renew their campuses.”

Engaging the campus with the gospel has brought ��ñ�� into relationships with college and university administrators. “We have the respect of college administrators,” said Doug Nickelson. “��ñ�� is listed as an official affiliated group on campus in many schools’ homecoming publications. In fact, colleges have invited our students to work with the administration to produce successful homecoming events.”

��ñ�� alumni may feel drawn to their school’s homecoming events as much as any other former students, but for alumni who attend our campus ministry’s reunions, the motivation for their attendance is usually appreciation—a heartfelt gratitude for how ��ñ�� has contributed to their lives.

Do you have an ��ñ�� alumni story to share? Our Alumni department is always interested in hearing how God is working in your life these days. If you’d like to share your story with us and other alumni through our publications, please contact Sarah Kirk at alumni@intervarsity.org or at (608) 443-4557.

Mission Network News reports on ��ñ��’s Alumni Focus

News Keywords

homecoming

Life after College

Life after College

Celebrating the Long Wait

Celebrating the Long Wait

��ñ���� alumni-Friendship Covenant

��ñ���� alumni-Friendship Covenant

Alumni Exemplify ��ñ����'s Campus Ministry

Alumni Exemplify ��ñ����'s Campus Ministry

��ñ�� alumni-Friendship Covenant

��ñ�� alumni-Friendship Covenant

Alumni Exemplify ��ñ��'s Campus Ministry

Alumni Exemplify ��ñ��'s Campus Ministry